Sitting on the back porch of a rental house over-looking a rather calm Atlantic Ocean in Hilton Head, SC, I find myself doing that which I have been doing for the past six days of a much needed vacation, besides playing lots of golf: building my new web-site.

As a writer and dramatist who has worked his ass off, building one’s own web-site, or, for that matter, supplying information to someone designing one’s web-site, always proves to be, proximately, an exercise in existential angst, and, ultimately, a satisfying, therapeutic, yet bizarre trip to a Cherokee Sweat Lodge.  One is reluctant and indeed confused at first; however, upon exit from the hazy Tee-Pee into the blinding, blanched sunlight of the desert, one enjoys a sense of elightenment, simplicity, and pride.  It forces the hearty artist to string together the beads of their toils, both successful and unsuccessful, sit back, enjoy a cigarette, and look at the ‘official’ story of the past years of their existence.  Much to my mirth, a grateful smile accompanies my smoky exhale.

My smile is not purely egotistical; quite the contrary, it is largely a result of a delicious oblige that manifested after having reflected upon my drudgery, a debt I owe toward the talented individuals I have had the pleasure of working with over the past five years or so.  I tend to work with the same crews and actors for both plays and movies: the reasons start with loyalty and end with “I run a meritocracy.”  I work with these folks because they are contemporaries that I have observed over the years, on stage, on screen, and behind the camera, to be SHIT-RIGHT at what they do, and a pleasure to have around on set.

People’s talents on set are always either shiningly affirmed or vehemently denied on the set of a low-budget film, the strange land where priorities violently trump luxuries, and efficiency is GOD.  Most recently, I had the pleasure of abusing the beloved cast and crew of my latest feature, Regretting Fish.  We shot a BIG MOVIE for $12,000 over 13 days, mostly at night; so, needless to say, the abuse to both parties was relentless and copious.  Principal photography wrapped on June 6th, 2010, and, due to a combination of editing-induced insanity, a year of tireless preparation, and an addiction to lucid-dreaming, I have yet to thank all of you properly.  Thus, this is my belated “THANK YOU” to you, my beloved CAST and CREW (in no particular order)…

[CREW]

  • WILL SARGENT [Director of Photography, Camera] (right): You are my second head on set, brilliant will light, and arguably the funniest person I know.  Love you, brother: I lift a tall-boy to you, to our second picture together, and to many more to come.  Lastly, and most importantly, you made Regretting Fish production hats that RAMP!  I wear mine whenever I edit.  That and nothing else…

  • MARIAH DENSOW [Key Grip]: You flew from Norman, Oklahoma on your own dime to PRO-RIGG my movie, bring electrical genius, sleep on my floor, eat shitty food, and work tireless hours.  Love watching you work, bro, and I figure that you and Will are the only cats that I can have crash in my one-bedroom apartment without my girlfriend murdering me…

  • JORDON COOKE [Sound Recorder]: J-Murder!!!  Sound is half the movie and you made it PRO in spite of my love of Steadicam and long-shots.  You thought outside the box and made it happen.  I think of you every time the Mets lose…

  • JOHN NORTHRUP [Assistant Director]: You took my younger sister to prom 13 years ago and ended up as an unforeseen, indispensable A.D.  You flogged the set’s eyes with your PRO production-whip: I am absolutely certain that, without you, the picture would’ve suffered detrimentally.  You will be a fixture on all of my sets in the future, and, in case you were wondering, every time I drive down 7th Ave in Park Slope, my teeth grind, remembering the late nights…

  • ADELA GLOADY [Art Director, Costuming, Make-Up, Set-Direction] (left): You RAMP and shouldered the hefty burden of making our already SHIT-RIGHT cast look their best and, more difficult, assembling their wardrobe from mere words on a page and a vision we shared.  I am eternally indebted to you for your tireless hours, your belief in the picture, and the plethora of tasks that you performed on set that you simply did not have to.  I am also happy that you kept your sanity and no one was stabbed on set…

  • DAGMAR PAULOVA [Stills Photographer, Assistant Costuming and Make-Up]: Moja laska! You documented the movie, stepped in when Adela needed help, hauled heavy shit with your petite frame, dealt with me while in production-mode, and tolerated the much-welcomed equipment / crew / beer-can / cigarette-smoke invasion of our home.  I will never forget your empathy, support, and love.  I am the luckiest man in the world.

  • ZITA VASILISINOVA [Producer] (left): You worked longer on this movie than anyone besides me.  You organized the shoot, got us a PRO crew on the cheap, scored dope locations, dealt with the Kafkaesque bureaucracy that is the NYC Mayor’s Office of Film, Theatre, and Broadcasting, and gleefully accepted the utterly necessary yet unpopular bad-cop-role of making sure that we stayed on schedule.  We shot a solid feature for less than $12,000 in thirteen days with maddening locations and a cast of of fifteen.  Regretting Fish couldn’t have happened without you…

  • TIM TROTMAN [Assistant Camera]: You brought PRO to the set the first weekend.  I had no idea that you would even be able to help us out, and, as fortune would have it, it was probably when we were somewhat short-handed and needed you most.  Thanks for your SUPREME PRESENCE, and I’m sorry about the smashing of the electrical outlet and surrounding wall in your bedroom.

  • NICK VEGA [2nd A.C.] (far right): You picked up where Tim left off, helping us out for free in between your paid gigs when you should’ve been sleeping, and stayed until until the job was done (usually well-past dawn).  Mucho gracias, amigo (even though you left the follow-focus in the zip-car that one tiresome night)…

  • ROBERT KUBIS [Production Assistant]: Having never been on any kind of set before, you did the critical thing: hauled lots of heavy shit and never complained.  For this, you are much better than okej…

  • MAREK DOLOBAC [Stills Photographer, P.A.]:  Hooked-up a couple of sweet locations in addition to copious stills, manning the fire-watch, crowd control, and loading a van.  You were also very gracious that day I stole a much-needed Pilsner from your fridge without permission..

[CAST]


  • WILLIAM APPS [Fisher Galloway]: Love working with you brother: great actor with supreme instincts and explosive intensity.  Much respect, my leading man: thanks for the months of hard work and rehearsals, even when we sometimes butted-heads through the process, almost coming to whiskey-drunk blows the last night of shooting.  Even though we could’ve gotten one more take that fateful evening, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  Love you, brother…

  • PENNY BITTONE [Viggo]: My big brother and partner in crime!  From my first picture to my first play to my last play to my last picture: you are all over that CRACK.  Thanks for bringing the Israeli RAMP, once again, to Regretting Fish. I always enjoy working with you and look forward to more plays and movies in the future…

  • MADELEINE JAMES [Verity]: Thank you for everything, from putting up with my directorial antics to wearing the “naked dress.”  I can’t think of any other actress who could’ve played this role.  You were a joy to work with, and understand the simple fact that: “It’s a tradition.  Actresses get slapped.  It’s a tradition.  You want to be a star, or do you want to be unsympathetic?…  Good…  Now,  it’s mandatory you get hit.”  You were never slapped, literally, but I feel that I did everything but…  In retrospect, we should’ve done a throwaway take where you did get slapped, if anything, just for your reel…  Oh well, hindsight is 20/20…

  • NICK FLINT [Frank]: You Aussie bastard!  You RAMP PRO like Stunt Rock on cocaine!  I knew cinema magic was afoot from the first rehearsal with Penny and Madeleine.  You were a pleasure to work with, and I look forward to hanging and working with you in the future.  I also look forward to coming to more of your plays, sitting in the front row, laughing my ass off, and conspicuously flipping through my program…

  • RICHARD BRUNDAGE [Albert]:  The night after your audition, I immediately went home and started to write more Albert scenes because I wanted to see more Brundage in my movie.  Loved working with you and watching your shit on screen.  Glad I was able to give you an opportunity to play a role you don’t typically get a chance to play, allowing you a chance to flex some muscles that you don’t otherwise flex on the volleyball court…

  • STASS KLASSEN [Jeaumont]:  Originally, the crime boss in my script was and Irishman named ‘Boyle.’  As soon as I saw your reel, I knew you were perfect, changed the character’s name to ‘Jeaumont’ and made him French, excited at the idea of adding subtitles to an American movie.  It is rare that a screenwriter meets an actor for the first time and decides to substantially change their script on the basis of that actor’s range and ability.  You are that actor: Merci beaucoup…

  • TIM SCOTT [Nibel]: I saw you RAMP, half-naked, in a bathtub, while performing Sam Shepard’s Chicago at the Big Little Theater for the Michael Checkhov Theater Company five years ago, and, from that moment on, knew I wanted to work with you.  We’ve done a couple of plays together, but I am proud to have given you the opportunity to work on your first feature film, and fortunate to have your creepy-ass playing Nibel.  And, just in case you were wondering, no, I’m not mad at you…

  • SARAH LEMP [Patricia]: From the moment I saw you you perform in Pied Piper’s of the Lower East-Side at PS 122, I was officially blown away by your subtlety and directness.  After our first rehearsal with Tim, and you conveyed your extreme fear and hatred of guns, I knew your scene was going to be spectacular.  I still cannot believe this is your first time working on film, and I can say with some certainty that it won’t be your last.  Thanks for going until dawn that one night we couldn’t find a gypsy cab for the scene…

  • IGOR LITWINOWICZ [Vlado]: Jesteś najlepszy! Thanks for bringing the RAMP and the Polish translation to the Vlado scene, as well as the Russian sausage and crusty bread you brought the day of the shoot which, arguably, saved my life on a hungover, horrid Dunkin’ Donuts craft-service day.

  • JENNIFER FOUCHE [Burlesque Singer]:  Your house burned down while you were on set on Memorial Day, yet you refused to leave until the job was done.  One word comes to mind: PRO…  Thanks for everything: your grace, gentleness, your performance of “Whiskey Blues,” which you co-wrote for the scene, and your faith in the picture.  I wish I had a biscuit, so I could sop you up and eat you…

  • JAMES PRAVASILIS [Randall]: Jimmy the Greek!  Thanks for coming through in the clutch and playing the role of Randall.  Though a small part, I wouldn’t have had it any other way just to have your goofy-ass on set.  I’ll never forget the good times we had after every performance of Greendale, G.P. and the many pimp rides we took in the big-body Benz.  Love you, dude.  Family for life…

  • SELENE BERETTA [April]: Your middle name is PRO…  Love working with you anytime I get a chance: you killed in Dining Alone and you saved my ass in the last minute on Greendale, G.P., jumping in at the last second, learning your lines in 48 hours.  I don’t know how you do it…  Honored to have you in my movie, baby!

  • JORGE PUPO [Esteban]: Don Pupo!  Your support of my work has been enthusiastic and unwavering from the New York opening of Williamsburg five years ago to every play I’ve done since.  I wrote Esteban just so I could work with you.  Thanks for everything, including my annual Mercury-in-Retrograde astrology alert.  I just wish every time you gave me the alert I wasn’t already knee-deep in some technological undertaking…

 

  • OLJA HRUSTIC [Maria]: After working with you on Williamsburg, you became one of my dearest friends and favorite actors.  I am honored and humbled that you flew in from L.A. to be in my second movie.  You are PRO, family, and there will always be a special place in my heart for you.  Thank you for your beautiful performance in this picture…

 

  • CARMEL AMIT [Faith]:  I’ve known you since you were in school at The American Academy of Dramatic Arts and enjoyed watching both plays you performed your senior year.  Since then, we worked on Crazy, Greendale, G.P., and now Regretting Fish.  I have enjoyed knowing you and watching your career blossom before my eyes…

 

  • DAVID MARCUS [Jarod]:  My brother!  Didn’t know you until Williamsburg, and you’ve been there for me ever since.  If it wasn’t for you, Libby, and Blue Box Productions, I don’t know if I ever would’ve started writing plays.  Like a dealer introducing an unsuspecting innocent with an addictive personality to heroin, you introduced me to NYC Theatre.  I am proud that your company produced so many of my short plays and that you’ve acted in so many of them…

 

  • LUIS VEGA [Jackson]:  You killed it in Yermo Blues, my only published play.  Thought of you when I was writing Jackson, and, once you signed on, I found myself writing more scenes for you.  Sorry about dragging you out to Bensonhurst only to lose our location, but, I think things turned out better with the new spot we got.  Most importantly, thanks for letting us drench you in blood, and I hope you didn’t get an ear infection as a result of it…

 

  • MATTHEW PIELICI [Jimmy]: Saw you in several Amoralists play: Poking Bears in the Zoo, Pied Pipers of the Lower East-Side (you have a great penis), Amerissiah, and Happy in the Poorhouse, and knew I had to work with you.  Thanks for obliging me, giving me a SHIT-RIGHT, long-ass scene, and for securing a superb location for us on the quick and cheap.