Dear Mayor Michael Bloomberg:

First off, let me say: I’m a big fan.  Most of my friends of similar political stripes think that you’re a power-hungry megalomanic who wants to install a nanny-state and morph New York City into a vapid metropolis who’s flavor, in pizza terms, is more reminiscent of Sbarro at Port Authority than John’s on Bleeker Street.  This is where I part ways with my political peers.  I in no way believe that you have intentions to ruin the greatest city in the world with over-reaching laws and regulations in some conspiracy of lackluster even though you’re originally from Boston.  By God, you’ve been in Gotham for 45 years, and that’s good enough for me.  My reasons for liking you are both conscious and subconscious.  Let us only deal with those points I can articulate: viz. the conscious.

First of all, I think you’re a good guy.  You’re a billionaire who rides the 6-train to work.  You campaigned hard, funded mostly from your own pocket, for an overtly difficult job and do it for the measly salary of $1 per year.  This tells me that you are not only a stand-up guy, but also someone who sincerely believes that his unique set of management skills are critical to the city’s viability during these tumultuous economic times.

Secondly, you’re not an idealist.  Rather, you are a thoughtful pragmatist who is almost impossible to pigeon-hole politically.  In a city as diverse as New York, this seems both reasonable and necessary.

Thirdly, even though some of the regulations you advocate, like the smoking and trans-fat bans, I oppose philosophically, I do understand them practically.  They are bad for the health of city residents which, in turn, drives up the cost of health care for all New Yorkers.  It is difficult for any sensible individual to argue with a severe tax on cigarettes, which, in turn, uses these funds to offer free nicotine patches, pills, etc. to people who want to quit.

Fourthly, being a filmmaker who lives in Brooklyn, you have, in your tenure, made a very expensive, grand city a most hospitable, inexpensive, and delightful place to shoot cinema.  Some douche-bags will disagree with this, i.e. Woody Allen, but, in my case, for someone working with a very small budget on both of my pictures, I found New York to be a fair and enjoyable place to shoot.

Lastly, and least importantly, in spite of being short, Jewish, and intrinsically uncool, you walk with a swagger and a hipness upon which I can’t quite place my finger.  I don’t quite know how you do it, but I imagine being a billionaire doesn’t hurt.  At any rate, keep it up.  It works.

Now, all this being said, I do have a major bone to pick with you:

 

As mentioned above, I am a NYC-based filmmaker, and, that being said, I also commute on New York City transit.  On my somewhat daily commute, I am subjugated to the most heinous of crimes a filmmaker can witness: the selling of pirated DVD’s on train platforms.  As I’m sure you’re aware, this is a serious federal crime; however, it seems that these purveyors of illegality have been given free-reign by the NYPD.  I have reached this conclusion only because I have received multiple summons on the subway for everything from open-container, to spitting on the tracks, to public urination.  As of late, I have also heard a recent uptick of instances of people receiving summons for walking between subway cars from under-cover transit cops.  This is all fine and well: I understand that the city needs the money, but I find it maniacally vexing that these minor offenses are being enforced while more serious, economically detrimental crimes are left unchecked.

Every time I walk past one of those freshly-rolled-out black blankets on the subway platform, adorned with the latest round of Hollywood shit-shows, I want to puke.  Though I find the majority of these pirated movies to be intellectually and cinematically repugnant, I still, as a matter of industry principle, believe that even Hollywood hacks are due their respective royalties.

I imagine that if a purveyor of crack (or any other illicit drug for that matter) laid out a blanket on the train platform at the 14th Street / Union Square Station displaying vials of their stuff for sale, that person would be arrested and in the back-pages of the NY Post sooner rather than later.  But, these hackers of piracy are not.  Why is this?  How is it different?

In conclusion, please form one teeny-tiny extra NYPD task-force (on top of the many pointless others you and Ray Kelly have formed) to contain an actual, disruptive menace that is sucking the life-blood from the film industry.

P.S. If it makes any difference, if you ran for President, I would totally vote for you.  And, if that scenario did manifest, you can count on a crisp, Andrew Jackson going from my meager pocket into your campaign coffers.  Trust me: I’m good for it.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Brad Saville

Owner / Operator of Cadillac Films LLC

bradsaville@cadillacfilms.com